Dear Hidey Neighbor
Dear Hidey Neighbor,
I think you've lived here for a couple months now, and we still haven't met. You seem to leave for work after I do and get home much later than I do. I am pretty sure you are a man.
I am good at the awkward "Hi, nice to meet you even though I am supposed to already know who you are." But I am slowly coming to resent you because there is some bad music and weird noises and smells that I am pretty sure are attributable to you. So now, if I did meet you two months too late, I'd probably be all bitter and snotty in addition to awkward.
Are you the one who plays bad recordings of bad classical music performed by what sounds like angry monkeys and slow children? Are you the one who sings along to the same indecipherable country song seven times in a row? Are you the one who burned hamster shavings or something else stinky that made the hallway reek? Are you the one who does something squeaky by my front door every day? Are you depressed?
These are the things I would wonder if we ever met. And when I try to hide that I am wondering things I make a dumb little deer face and my eyes dart around like I am Richard Nixon. So then you would know I curse you and your giant car that is hard to get around in the parking lot some mornings.
Maybe you are hiding because you know how much I've come to resent you.
Love,
Marcia
PS - I am not crazy.
I think you've lived here for a couple months now, and we still haven't met. You seem to leave for work after I do and get home much later than I do. I am pretty sure you are a man.
I am good at the awkward "Hi, nice to meet you even though I am supposed to already know who you are." But I am slowly coming to resent you because there is some bad music and weird noises and smells that I am pretty sure are attributable to you. So now, if I did meet you two months too late, I'd probably be all bitter and snotty in addition to awkward.
Are you the one who plays bad recordings of bad classical music performed by what sounds like angry monkeys and slow children? Are you the one who sings along to the same indecipherable country song seven times in a row? Are you the one who burned hamster shavings or something else stinky that made the hallway reek? Are you the one who does something squeaky by my front door every day? Are you depressed?
These are the things I would wonder if we ever met. And when I try to hide that I am wondering things I make a dumb little deer face and my eyes dart around like I am Richard Nixon. So then you would know I curse you and your giant car that is hard to get around in the parking lot some mornings.
Maybe you are hiding because you know how much I've come to resent you.
Love,
Marcia
PS - I am not crazy.
That sounds like such a lovely neighbor!
We actually had the same type of issue lately, not with the smell, but with weird sort old music blasting so loud we could sing along.
With Justin, we totally envisioned a dude, slightly older, with a belly and a beer.
One day, I was working from home and the music was blasting again so bad that even with earphones, I couldn't focus. The floor was vibrating. And so I go down and knock. The first ring/knock didn't make it through the noise. So I knock and ring louder. Music turns down and the door opens... turns out it's a skinny blond chick in her mid-twenties. I asked her nicely (i hope) to turn it down and she did. She also didn't fail to tell me she could hear every single footsteps of ours. I guess we're even :)
But honestly, we've never heard the music blast again.
Moral: may be a painfully good thing to go knock on his/her door.
Posted by
Stephanie S |
2/04/2008 10:03 PM
I have decided that the people in the big house across the street are crazy shut-in widow sisters who watch me whenever I come out of my house. But you know, as far as neighbors go, that's not too bad...
(I totally made all that up, btw)
Posted by
JOY! |
2/05/2008 8:25 AM
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