I had myself some jury duty today. I wasn't chosen to do anything besides wait in a plastic chair for two hours while hungry. Now, I understand that we don't want the the elderly and the unemployed deciding everything in our justice system. However! Jury duty just isn't set up to conform to the go-go lifestyle of the young and employed.
For instance, I live in the southernmost city in Sonoma County and work even further south than that. But the courthouse is in the northern part of the county. This is fine if they gave more than one hour's notice of your service. But I was given one hour to get from Sausalito to Santa Rosa during the middle of a workday (roughly an hour drive) because they couldn't tell me more than an hour in advance if they needed me. So, unable to eat lunch, I rushed there ... to sit for more than two hours and ultimately find out my services weren't needed.
I can afford to take the time off to serve on a jury, and I would have if they had chosen me. But I find it hard to believe that having 100 people sit in a room for several hours at a moment's notice is the most efficient way to do things.
But! I did get to see an orientation video, which explains to me –as if I were a third grader – what a jury is (can be seen here).
For those who can't watch the whole thing, I will summarize: Look at images of our great state and the Constitution! Hear how these former jurors LOVED serving and made friends! Listen to explanations that anyone who has been to elementary school or watched an episode of "Law and Order" knows! Diversity!
For instance, I live in the southernmost city in Sonoma County and work even further south than that. But the courthouse is in the northern part of the county. This is fine if they gave more than one hour's notice of your service. But I was given one hour to get from Sausalito to Santa Rosa during the middle of a workday (roughly an hour drive) because they couldn't tell me more than an hour in advance if they needed me. So, unable to eat lunch, I rushed there ... to sit for more than two hours and ultimately find out my services weren't needed.
I can afford to take the time off to serve on a jury, and I would have if they had chosen me. But I find it hard to believe that having 100 people sit in a room for several hours at a moment's notice is the most efficient way to do things.
But! I did get to see an orientation video, which explains to me –as if I were a third grader – what a jury is (can be seen here).
For those who can't watch the whole thing, I will summarize: Look at images of our great state and the Constitution! Hear how these former jurors LOVED serving and made friends! Listen to explanations that anyone who has been to elementary school or watched an episode of "Law and Order" knows! Diversity!
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I've always wanted to be on the jury of a big trial that lasted for a long time. We'd be sequestered in a nice hotel. Juror number six would be a pretty woman with a lot of questions about the case. We'd sit up late at night, drinking wine at the hotel bar and talking about motive and opportunity. Eventually we'd fall in love and get married.
Isn't that a beautiful idea?
However, the one time I was called for jury duty I weaseled my way out of it because I had a work commitment. So much for fantasies.
I would not be a good juror. I would spend all my time imagining things that might make the courtroom atmosphere lighter (or more chaotic, if that's what seemed necessary).
"What if I slip all of these other jurors ephedra pills?"
"Can I rig the judge's gavel so that it shatters on impact?"
"Who in this room would be most enraged by the use of a whoopee cushion?"
Besides, when faced with gravely serious or tense situations, I tend to get the giggles. Society is far better off barring me from the fate-deciding end of the legal system.
As I am an employee of The Man, I can simply advise people to talk to my hand and get out of it. While it's true that I advise most people to hold lengthy discourse with my hands (i.e., strangers on the Metro, co-workers, telephone salepersons), it is particularly useful in cases like these, no pun intended.
I feel like one of the reasons choosing a jury is so ineffective is because half the people there are trying to be as controversial as possible just so they don't get chosen (I know that's how I tried to play it). I'm more or less in favor of the French system of professional juries - and just think of the primetime dramas they could pull out of that system! Even more incest because there are 12 of them!!
Being on a jury for California is not something that I want or desire. California's whole legal system long ago stopped protecting it's citizens and became a laughing joke to the rest of the world. No matter what someone gets convicted of, all they have to do is to find one procedural error and have some bleeding hearted liberal minded, Rose Bird educated judge throw the whole case out.
It exists to serve the damn lawyers who are squeezing the life out of the system. If I had to avail myself of an injustice down to me, and I had the choice of a California Court, or a 3rd World Nation Kangaroo Court, I'd pick the 3rd World Nation.