As it turns out, Sexy Marcia cannot keep a secret
I have been back on the MySpace for about one day now. As those of you with a vagina (or who pretend on the Internet to have one) know, this means I have opened myself up to being propositioned by semi-literate deviants.
Rather than showering with bleach for an hour after getting the following letter, I decided to share it with you, Internet friends. I will call this guy "Tom," mainly because his name is actually Thomas and that is a popular diminutive of that name. He has a mustache.
Leona wants me to link to his MySpace page, but I won't. I have a feeling he sends like 90 of these letters a day in the hopes that one of them will lead to hot hot pervert cybersex.
Here it is, folks:
As beautiful as you look, sitting here thinking how can I just shock you and make you feel naughty in ways no one should know about. Maybe as long as no on knows and we are not judging each other here is a wild story just to tease your mind like no one would.
If I was your younger brother that just returned from a long over seas duty. Not having seen a real woman in ages. I came to visit you and seeing how sexy this big sister is and me being vulnerable to your looks because of need. If you were leaning over the dinning room table looking at the news paper late at night and you felt my eyes gazing at you and admiring you in your tight jeans. Knowing we are all alone and no one would ever know. Can you blame me for looking when you look so good?
Can you keep secrets when you need to Sexy Marcia?
Just in puppy lust with your amazing looks. Do you have yahoo or aim msngr?
I had a mustache last week which caused me to read newspapers late at night.htth
Posted by
Tony Stubblebine |
1/07/2007 5:27 PM
Why did you have to be his sister in the fantasy? Why not an exchange student or childhood friend?
Posted by
matt |
1/07/2007 7:31 PM
You have made me so happy by posting this. I wish you'd link to his page so people could see the comments from women who were enticed by the promise of brother-sister incest.
Posted by
L-ementary |
1/08/2007 1:02 AM
The weirdest things happen to you, Sexy Marcia! No wonder you are wary of Myspace.
Posted by
Joy |
1/08/2007 10:28 AM
That's just great. Now everyone is gonna think I'm the guy sending you this trash just because we share the same name. This fills me with a certain measure of sad.
Posted by
twm |
1/08/2007 1:45 PM
I read this and laughed so hard I almost ppeeed!
Posted by
Rachel |
1/08/2007 2:47 PM
I agree with l-ementary. You should link to his page because I am certain it would make me erupt in a resounding guffaw, and I could really use something funny right now. What a perv.
Also, I think you should change the name of your blog now to "Sexy Marcia!" I can think of a bizillion tag lines and headings you could use to tie into the theme.
Posted by
The Muser |
1/08/2007 5:23 PM
Set your profile to private and make Linda Hunt your profile pic. It works, trust me. Know one wants to get groovy on the Shadout Mapes.
Posted by
luvmunkyb |
1/08/2007 9:12 PM
Tony: So, are you trying to tell me it was you who sent me that message on MySpace? That was unnecessary. You have my direct, personal e-mail address.
Matt: Because he is a pervert
L: In all seriousness, linking to him is like talking to him. I prefer to mock him semi-anonymously. I think he's an inmate. For reals.
Joy: Change your status from "married" to "single" and they can happen to you, too!
TWM: I hope this helps. Attention Internet: The "Tom" referred to in this post is a creepy inmate and is in no way representative of the Tom who left a comment as "TWM." TWM Tom presumambly does not want me to pretend to be his older sister in tight jeans.
Rachel: I will take that as a compliment and not a request to buy you new shoes because the ones you were wearing are ruined.
Musey Pants: I have been looking to meet new men. Now I have learned that I am more selective than previously thought. Good to know.
Luvmunky: A shout out to the Shadout Mapes, yo. I am trying this whole not being anonymous thing to see if I get anything besides the creeps. So far, no.
Posted by
smart kitty |
1/08/2007 10:03 PM
EWWWWWWWWWW. Ah, the joys of myspace.
Posted by
Wendy |
1/12/2007 8:25 AM
I am consistently blown away by what passes for "grammar skills" amongst Myspace freaks. I seriously hope this guy was a non-English speaker because I cannot find one sentence that adequately conforms to the anglophone language code. Is it unreasonable to ask that if you're using the internet to mack on innocent people that you learn how to properly use the tools available to you?
Also, since he is utilizing Myspace in an attempt to gain his jollies, I assume he is unattractive. Therefore, as per the 1990's song "They Call You Mr. Personality Because You're So Ugly", he should have cultivated a remarkable personality, which one would think would translate to some degree to the written word. Looks like all my core beliefs just went down the shitter.
Posted by
lengli |
1/14/2007 6:25 PM
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