Stupid bastard limey twat, or How I learned to stop worrying and love the British
I like to help people. So I will help you, gentle readers, by teaching you a lesson about telling girls you are married before you chat them up for 90 minutes in a San Francisco bar and get their hopes up that they will go on a date with a tall guy whose accent doesn't bother them after all. It's a very specific lesson, but clearly it needs to be learned.
Last night I went to some media shindig at a swanky city bar with Joy and Lindsay. We are very adorable young women who dazzle big-city media types with our devil-may-care attitudes and low-cut tops. OK, so I was the only one wearing a low-cut top. But still ... dazzle!
Suddenly, I was talking to a cute boy. He was a tall, bespectacled, self-effacing British man of 27. It was all very professional for about a half hour. But clearly he was charmed. And I found myself also charmed, despite my hatred for foreign accents. (No, they are not sexy. I like Americans!) After mixing with other people who were neither British nor cute for a while, I once again met up with my hot new friend from across the pond. This time the conversation was not about professional stuffs. We were flirting! After about 45 minutes of this, I am pretty sure that I over hear him tell Guy In Blazer Who Thinks He's Funny that he's married. No, he would have said something. So, I start talking to him again. And he's smiley and flirty. Then suddenly, he looks at his phone and mumbles "My wife is calling me" and runs out the door, never to return. No goodbye. No sorry-I-am-so-retarded.
Just in case he was too shy or stupid to know how to tell me he was married (I saw no ring), here are some openings he had:
Me: So, where do you live?
He: Around the corner. It's walking distance from here.
**What someone who's not retarded could have said: My wife and I live on Such and Such Street.
Another opportunity:
Me: When did you move to the states?
He: Last year
**What someone who's not retarded could have said: My wife and I moved here last year.
Last night I went to some media shindig at a swanky city bar with Joy and Lindsay. We are very adorable young women who dazzle big-city media types with our devil-may-care attitudes and low-cut tops. OK, so I was the only one wearing a low-cut top. But still ... dazzle!
Suddenly, I was talking to a cute boy. He was a tall, bespectacled, self-effacing British man of 27. It was all very professional for about a half hour. But clearly he was charmed. And I found myself also charmed, despite my hatred for foreign accents. (No, they are not sexy. I like Americans!) After mixing with other people who were neither British nor cute for a while, I once again met up with my hot new friend from across the pond. This time the conversation was not about professional stuffs. We were flirting! After about 45 minutes of this, I am pretty sure that I over hear him tell Guy In Blazer Who Thinks He's Funny that he's married. No, he would have said something. So, I start talking to him again. And he's smiley and flirty. Then suddenly, he looks at his phone and mumbles "My wife is calling me" and runs out the door, never to return. No goodbye. No sorry-I-am-so-retarded.
Just in case he was too shy or stupid to know how to tell me he was married (I saw no ring), here are some openings he had:
Me: So, where do you live?
He: Around the corner. It's walking distance from here.
**What someone who's not retarded could have said: My wife and I live on Such and Such Street.
Another opportunity:
Me: When did you move to the states?
He: Last year
**What someone who's not retarded could have said: My wife and I moved here last year.
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