The Internet says: "You will be a cat lady"
Not too long ago, J-Bomb convinced me to fill out the gazillion-hour-long eHarmony quiz to see whom it would match me with. This was an ironic endeavor. I'm glad it was, because eHarmony told me that not only did it not have a match for me now, but it would never have a match for me ever. Though I did answer its 10,000 questions sincerely, I was only doing it to entertain me and the J-Bomb. But what if it weren't so? What if, suckered in by eHarmony's ubiquitous claims that it has married up a jabillion couples, I filled out that questionnaire in order to find the love of my life? Here is an edited version of eHarmony's actual note informing me I was an unmatchable freak:
"We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you ..."
I am not actually upset that this mechanical matchmaker said no one was out there for me in it's bazillion-member database. I'm glad that even a computer can tell that I would not do well with a man whose efforts to find love centered around filling out a questionnaire.
Possible eHarmony questions I didn't realize I was answering "True" to, because the damned questionnaire was eleventy years long
True or False: One can never have too many cats
True or False: My fanciest outfit is adorned with googly eyes
True or False: Animals should wear clothes to cover their shame
Post a Comment